WHERE IS YOUR DARK SIDE ?
"I’d rather be whole than good."
- Carl G. Jung
Everyone of us would like to fully live "in Light and Love". But what about that dark side of ours, which often others can see but we cannot?
Most people who say "I am a spiritual person" do not want to see that hateful part of themselves.
Here are some tendencies that show a person's "dark side" even though they do not want to see it in themselves.
Our dark side is not "bad". It is just something that manipulates us because we are not aware of it. It is a part of us that lies in darkness below. Our behaviour is an indication that we have a stock of energy there, which could be put to a different use, and uplifted until this part of us also can "see the Light".
Here are a few excerpts found here and there on the Internet.
WHAT ABOUT DIFFUSING YOUR DARK SIDE WITH A SMALL EASY TECHNIQUE?
Watch Dr Wayne Dyer talk about it:
BEING JUDGMENTAL
(Excerpt from the EFT website:)
"It is well understood that what I see in others that I may not like or approve of, is simply a reflection of that quality or aspect of character within my own self. The trick is to maintain this awareness instead of becoming triggered into criticizing or judging it in others. If I can learn to recognize that feeling of upset or disturbance inside myself, that emotional discomfort when I witness a behavior I don't like in another, it is a prime opportunity for me to heal that part of myself.
"Let me give you an example. It has been my tendency to be somewhat abrupt when dealing with sales people. Perhaps it occurs when I am distracted by all the things I have to do, or I'm in a rush, or having trouble handling my own life stresses, etc. Whatever the excuse, it is a lack of respect for the other person on my part. I used to brush it off or not even give it a second thought until my adult son mentioned to me one day that he thought I had been rude to the sales person. I was surprised because I had not perceived it that way. After that, I became more aware of that tendency in myself.
"Now, many years later, I have EFT as a tool I can use to address this character defect, if you will. But now, instead of seeing it in myself, I usually observe the behavior in others and it triggers an uncomfortable feeling inside me. That's how I know that even though I may not be doing it overtly, it is still something I need to work on. So, instead of being critical or judgmental about that other person doing this thing I find so rude, I tap on myself instead."
(Kiran Zehra Haider, in a letter to Gary Craig, EFT founder.)
http://www.eftuniverse.com/
NOT BEING ABLE TO FORGIVE
“The unforgiving mind is in despair, without the prospect of a future which can offer anything but more despair. Yet it regards its judgement of the world as irreversible, and does not see it has condemned itself to this despair. It thinks it cannot change, for what it sees bears witness that its judgement is correct. It does not ask, because it thinks it knows. It does not question, certain it is right.”
From A Course in Miracles (ANON 1996) – Lesson 121
(Excerpt from the EFT website:)
"I find that the word forgiveness is often misunderstood. Some people think that it involves condoning the event or behaviour. I think this is why we struggle with the idea of forgiveness. Clients say it is as if the therapist or society is saying – “It is OK that he or she did this or that to me”. Logically - it is acknowledged that this is not the case but emotionally however, it is experienced in this way because of the hurt... A better understanding of the therapeutic meaning of the word forgiveness makes a difference. Forgiveness is the gift that is received by the client during the healing work. Forgiveness does not require that the other party is involved. Forgiveness means freedom from any negative energetic connection to an event or person. Before the EFT work is completed the resented person or event is almost living rent free within us. Afterwards - genuine freedom from that person or event is experienced."
(Mair Llewelling, EFT Master and psychotherapist)
http://www.eftuniverse.com/
"Until there is forgiveness, you cannot be completely healthy" (Donna Eden).
"I love to work with people who have pain connected to a need to forgive. As soon as they forgive, the pain almost always disappears." (Steve Rich, EFT practitioner)
GUILT AND SHAME
Indicating that you have done something under the inspiration of your "dark" side, of which your "light" side does not approve.
(Excerpt from the EFT website:)
"Life has many lessons to offer us. Personal growth is about trying to be the best that you can be. During this process we are challenged to be vulnerable and to take risks. As we strive to grow we are likely to come across events where we become stuck. There is an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame that is attached to some of the choices and actions that we have taken.
'The feelings of guilt and shame place a heavy burden on us and might keep us from continued personal growth. Guilt is how you feel about an event and shame is how you feel about yourself. People tend to be much harder and critical of themselves than they would be of another person. Being able to forgive yourself and accept what has happened in the past is difficult, but possible."
"The first part of forgiving yourself is to acknowledge that you “missed the mark.” You did not act like you might have wanted to act. ... The second part of the forgiveness technique is to say that you are sorry for what you did. ... After you have been able to say that you are sorry, the next step is to make amends. Making amends means you are willing to go above and beyond steps you would normally take with the person that has been hurt to show that you are aware that you have missed the mark, have learned from the event and are willing to repair the relationship. ... The fourth part of the forgiveness technique is about the future. At some point in the future, you are likely to be faced with a similar situation. This will be an opportunity to take corrective action."
"Use the forgiveness technique to resolve one incident at a time. Focus on areas where you have hurt yourself or someone else and need to forgive yourself. Once you have removed the events with the most charge, you will find that other events might surface ..."
(Loren Fogelman, EFT practitioner)
http://www.eftuniverse.com/
"Evil has only the strength we grant it."
IJP Appel Guery
HATE IS NOT A SEXY WORD
by DEBBIE FORD
(Excerpts:)
Carl Jung had an expression, “I’d rather be whole than good.”
These simple words hold a world of meaning, and could open the door to an entirely new world, if we could only drink them in. If we learn to accept the totality of our humanity— both the dark and the light—and take back the parts of ourselves that we project onto other people as hate, we would live in an entirely different world. We’d stop pointing our fingers, we’d stop blaming each other, and we would stop being both the victim and the victimizer.
Right now, our world is largely characterized by hate—hate going back and forth between people of different nations, between people of different religions, between people of different ethnicities, but most notably: between people of different perspectives." (...)
Truth always has a big range. To embrace the full range of the truth is to transform hate. ... To be whole is to be both dark and light.
Hate is not a sexy word. People really don’t want to hear about it. When speaking to groups of people around the country, I often say, “I want you to get the level where you come face to face with your own hate.” Audiences just cringe. They say, “Oh, well, maybe I don’t feel that good about myself, but I don’t have a problem with hate.”
Then I ask, “How many of you embrace your mean self, or your inconsiderate self, or your rude self, or your selfish self? And how many want to get rid of those parts?” People begin to see that they hate those parts of themselves. But if you hate anything, you hate everything. We are the world, we’re a microcosm of the macrocosm, and hate is a pressing global issue.
Owning one’s projections is crucial for healing. Being able to notice the tendency to transfer parts of oneself onto another requires awareness.
In the spiritual movement, unfortunately, a lot of people are preaching, “Let’s just love one another.” But the dark side can’t digest that conversation.
DETOXING THE EMOTIONAL BODY
Once hate is recognized and seen for what it is, we can begin to digest and eliminate it. Only then can the positive thoughts and affirmations and love really take hold. ... What gets in the way of our healing the most is denial. We all have our foibles and our blind spots. There is only one thing a person can’t see—and it’s him- or herself.
The external world is a mirror. That is how we see ourselves: by what I love in you, what excites me in you,
what I loathe in you, and what disturbs me in you. It is all a reflection of me. Most people aren’t willing to go to their co-workers, to their family members, to their children and say, “Do you see something in me that you don’t like, or that’s disturbing to you?”
If we can’t see the dark side we cannot harness the power it holds because we displace it with our denial. One client I’m now working with is a woman who hates people who change plans after they are made. She can’t see at all the times when she changes a plan.
Denial is rooted in our struggle to be one of the good people. Projection and displacement of our own misbehavior adds to the toxicity of the emotional body. We cannot release what we cannot acknowledge exists. So the first step in emotional detoxing is recognition of the dark.
In a Shadow Process workshop I taught a few years ago, a German woman stood out. I asked the critical question: “What is the darkest part of you, the part you’re most ashamed of?” She started crying. She shared with the group that her fear was that someone would call her a Nazi, or that she could be viewed as a killer of
Jews. Her grandfather had fought in World War II, and she was still carrying the shame and embarrassment of her nation being capable of that kind of hate.
Out of that process, a whole world of new understanding opened up to her. She realized that her entire life up to that point was a reaction to, and a defense against, what she did not want to be. She saw that she had moved to America and decided not to have any German friends. She had cut herself off from her father and didn’t have any relationship with her family because she didn’t want to be that. She had covered all the shame and pain under a blanket of denial. When she forgave herself, and her family for participating in the crimes, it
was transformative. She was able to reconnect with her family. This woman experienced a healing of the heart.
In a world without hate upon hate, where people can acknowledge and digest the dark side because they don’t have to hide it to prove they are good—mistakes become a catalyst for something great. People who do their emotional work and go through the shadow process—in whatever form—begin living fully. When we start being the best we can be, the world looks like a different place. From this new perspective, we can change the world overnight.
(Excerpts from DEBBIE FORD: Hate Is Not a Sexy Word)
READ DEBBIE FORD'S WHOLE TEXT in the free e-book:
"A Being of Spirit in a World of Abundance"
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As Above
So Below
ANGER
UNDERSTANDING ANGER
It is fundamental to understand anger as the underlying and active factor in anti-social behavior such as battering, substance abuse, gang banging, runaway syndrome, chronic hostility and intermittent explosive disorder, impulsive acts of violence and many other forms of negative destructive behavior - and, ultimately, at the level of human groups and countries, terrorism and war.
Here are excerpts from very useful websites for you to understand the various forms of ANGER that may plague you.
What is anger?
Anger is:
a) Normal
b) An emotion experienced by everyone
c) A powerful feeling but one you can learn to manage with practice.
d) Not the same thing as aggression, which is a behavior (such as hitting someone) that may result if you can’t bring your anger under control
e) Neither positive nor negative nor right nor wrong to feel
f) All the Above
If you answered “f) All of the Above”, you are correct.
(from "Mini Anger FAQ's" in http://www.ldpride.net/angermanagement.htm
by Elizabeth Bogod)
IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED, YOU ARE ANGRY
IF YOU HAVE HEART DISEASE, YOU ARE ANGRY
Suppressed anger makes you sick.
"Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies." Nelson Mandela
CURE: RECOGNIZE AND ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR ANGER
1. WHEN TOUCHED BY ANGER, HOW DO YOU REACT?
Excerpt from this website:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14730-a-n-g-e-r-workout/
8 Common ways of dealing with anger (pick your own habit)
A- Repression
Experiencing but immediately forgetting or stuffing the anger.
B- Nonfeeling
Never even identifying the feelings or sensation of being angry.
C- Displacement
Getting angry at a person or thing when something else or someone else is the actual target of the anger.
D- Controlling
Holding in the emotional storm of the anger.
E- Suppression
Experiencing the anger but holding it in with no expression of it.
F- Quiet crying
Suppressed anger with no verbal or physical cathartic process; this stifles the emotion of anger and changes it to sadness and pain.
G- Assertive confrontation
A direct response of how I feel about the person or thing that angered me.
H- Overreaction
Fury or rage at something or someone who perhaps does not deserve such a reaction.
Read more in:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14730-a-n-g-e-r-workout/
2. LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF FOR MORE ANGER
with the help of this comprehensive website:
http://www.thisisawar.com/DepressionAnger.htm
Anger and aggression come in many forms, some quite subtle.
THE MADLOW LIST
This list (Madlow, 1972) of behaviors and verbal comments said to others or only thought to ourselves may help you uncover some resentments you were not aware of ...
Direct behavioral signs:
- ASSAULTIVE Physical and verbal cruelty, rage, slapping, shoving, kicking, hitting, threaten with a weapon, etc.;
- AGGRESSION Overly critical, fault finding, name-calling, accusing someone of having immoral or despicable traits or motives, nagging, whining, sarcasm, prejudice, flashes of temper;
- HURTFUL Malicious gossip, stealing, trouble-making;
- REBELLIOUS Anti-social behavior, open defiance, refusal to talk;
- DIRECT Verbal or cognitive signs;
- OPEN HATRED + INSULTS "I hate your guts!" "I'm really mad!" "You're so stupid!";
- CONTEMPT + DISGUST "You're a selfish SOB!" "You are a spineless wimp!" "You'll never amount to anything!";
- CRITICAL "If you really cared about me, you'd [fill in blank]!" "You can't trust [fill in blank]!";
- SUSPICIOUS "You haven't been fair!" "You cheated!";
- BLAMING "They've been trying to cause me trouble!" "I don't get the respect I deserve!";
- VENGEFUL "I wish I could really hurt him!";
- NAME CALLING "Guys are jerks!" "Women are bitches!" "Politicians are self-serving liars!"; and
- LESS INTENSE BUT CLEAR "Well, I'm a little annoyed ..." "I'm fed up with [fill in blank] ..." "I've had it!" "You're a pain!" "I don't want to be around you!"
Thinly veiled behavioral signs:
- Distrustful, skeptical;
- Argumentative, irritable, indirectly challenging;
- Resentful, jealous, envious;
- Disruptive, uncooperative, or distracting actions;
- Unforgiving or unsympathetic attitude;
- Sulky, sullen, pouting;
- Passively resistant, interferes with progress;
- Given to sarcasm, cynical humor, and teasing;
- Judgmental, has a superior or holier-than-thou attitude;
Thinly veiled verbal signs:
- "No, I'm not mad - I'm just disappointed / annoyed / disgusted / put out / irritated."
- "You don't know what you're talking about."
- "Don't make me laugh!"
- "Don't push me, I'll do it when I get good and ready!"
- "Well, they aren't my kind of people."
- "Would you buy a used car from him?"
- "You could improve on [fill in blank]."
- "Unlike Social Work, my major admits only the best students."
Indirect behavioral signs:
- WITHDRAWAL Quiet remoteness, silence, little communication especially about feelings; or
- PSYCHOSOMATIC DISORDERS Tiredness, anxiety, high blood pressure, heart disease.
Actually, college students with high hostility scores had, 20 years later, become more overweight with higher cholesterol and hypertension, had drunk more coffee and alcohol, had smoked more cigarettes, and generally had poorer health (Friedman, 1991).
Signs of anger
- Depression and guilt
- Accident-proneness
- Self-defeating or addictive behavior such as drinking, over-eating, or drugs
- Vigorous distracting activity (exercising or cleaning)
- Excessively submissive, deferring behavior
- Crying
- Serious mental illness
- Paranoid schizophrenia
Take the free test: MEASURE YOUR ANGER
In this page:
http://www.thisisawar.com/DepressionAnger.htm
MORE ON ANGER IN THESE OTHER WEB PAGES:
Let's talk about anger: read the ANGER FAQ's
http://www.ldpride.net/angermanagement.htm
The Anger Toolkit, by Leonard Ingram
Four proven techniques for managing anger
http://www.angermgmt.com/techniques.asp
An Excerpt from "A Wanderer in the Spirit Lands":
"Time passes on for spirits as well as mortals and brings ever new changes--fresh progression. And thus while I was working to help others I was gradually myself learning the lesson which had proved most hard for me to learn. The lesson of that entire forgiveness of our enemies which will enable us to feel that we not only desire them no harm but that we even wish to do them good--to return good for evil cordially. It had been a hard struggle to overcome my desire for revenge, or wish that at all events some punishment should overtake the one who had so deeply wronged me, and it was as hard, or harder even, to desire now to benefit that person.
"Time and again while I was working on the earth plane I went and stood beside that one, unseen and unfelt save for the thoughts of me that would be awakened, and each time I perceived that my enemy's thoughts were to the full as bitter as my own. There was no love lost between us. Standing there I beheld time after time the events of our lives blended together in one picture, the dark shadows of our passionate hate dimming and blurring these pictures as storm clouds sweep over a summer sky. And in the clearer light of my spiritual knowledge I beheld where my faults had lain, as strongly or more so than I beheld those of my enemy. And from such visits I would return to my little cottage in the spirit land overwhelmed with the bitterest regrets, the keenest anguish, yet always unable to feel aught but bitterness and anger towards the one whose life seemed only to have been linked by sorrow and wrong to my own.
"At last one day while standing beside this mortal I became conscious of a new feeling, almost of pity, for this person was also oppressed in soul--also conscious of regret in thinking of our past. A wish had arisen that a different course towards me had been followed. Thus was there created between us a kinder thought, which though faint and feeble was yet the first fruits of my efforts to overcome my own anger--the first softening and melting of the hard wall of hatred between us. Then was there given to me a chance to assist and benefit this person even as the chance had before come to me of doing harm, and now I was able to overcome my bitterness and to take advantage of this opportunity, so that it was my hand--the hand which had been raised to curse and blight--which was now the one to help instead."
(FRANCHEZZO, "A Wanderer in the Spirit Lands")
3. USE EFT TO DEAL WITH YOUR ANGER
Discover the EFT website:
http://www.eftuniverse.com/
Read how anger and other emotional problems are managed with the help of EFT:
Click "Resources" then: EFT AT WORK
http://www.eftuniverse.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=4&Itemid=7
In the list click "All emotional issues"
Page : "USING EFT FOR EMOTIONAL ISSUES"
Click "Anger Management"
then read on!
4. FIND HEALTHY WAYS TO RELEASE YOUR ANGER:
(By Elizabeth Bogod)
* Take a few deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose for five seconds and out through your mouth for five seconds. Repeat the process until you feel calm.
* Write a letter to the person you are angry at that you never intend to send. Be as irate as you wish, but try if you can to express the secondary emotions behind your anger in the letter. After you are done, you can either tear the letter up or burn it, depending on how you feel.
* Talk to a close friend who has nothing to do with the situation. One cautionary note, check with the person before you begin to be sure they are prepared to listen. If it is not a good time, ask when would be a better time and make an arrangement to talk then. You will also need to be sure the person is a good listener and is willing to put up with your ranting and raving!
* If you are coping with a lot of historical anger it might help to write a list of all the people you are angry at and why. Remember you are not planning to share this list with any of the people on it.
* Scream in the Car - If you do this, be sure that the windows are rolled up and doors are closed. Make sure nobody is around.
* Twist a Towel – Tightly twist a towel using both hands. As you twist, express your anger verbally, say I’m angry”, “I hate you”, or whatever else you are feeling. Let the towel absorb your anger.
* Dance and Music – This is a great way to release anger but it is a bit noisy so you may want to wait until you are alone. If you live in an apartment that has poor sound proofing you may prefer to take it to some other location, such as a secluded woods. Play a piece of music that expresses your anger. Now start dancing – in a primitive, passionate style. Stomp your felt on the floor and shake your body. If you have one, you can add a drum or tambourine to the mix. Feel the anger flowing out of body. When you stamp the floor say, “Boom, this Anger”, “Boom, Boom, (name the person you are angry at here)”.
* Get back to nature – Go to your local forest or wildlife park. Walk or run on the trails – what ever you prefer. Use what nature has to offer such as a rocks for throwing (be sure nobody is in its path!), dead branches for beating on the ground, etc.
* Exercise – go for a walk or run to unwind. Only one precaution here… Be sure you are not using exercise as a distraction. The object of this exercise (no pun intended!) is to release your anger not suppress it.
* Beat a Drum – Get a drum and pound on it. Please note, all the cautionary notes mentioned in “Dance and Music” (above) also apply here too!
* Punch a Pillow – Don’t forget to verbalize your anger. Yes, you have my permission to yell at your pillow.
Elizabeth Bogod, http://www.ldpride.net/angermanagement.htm
As Above
So Below
And as below so above,
to do the miracles of
One Only Thing.
(Hermes Trismegist's Emerald Tablet)
"That is one of the great difficulties in experiencing the unconscious—that one identifies with it and becomes a fool. You must not identify with the unconscious; you must keep outside, detached, and observe objectively what happens.... it is exceedingly difficult to accept such a thing, because we are so imbued with the fact that our unconscious is our own—my unconscious, his unconscious, her unconscious—and our prejudice is so strong that we have the greatest trouble disidentifying."
—Jung, C. G. (1996), The Psychology of Kundalini Yoga: Notes of the Seminar Given in 1922 by C. G. Jung, Sonu Shamdasani (Ed.). Bollingen Series XCIX. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.[2]
"None of God’s planes should inspire fear.
As you travel through the various dimensions,
truth will always allow you to find God there."
IJP Appel Guery
"Evil is caused by the lack of development of the moral attributes in certain souls and the over development of other qualities. The souls which are now inhabiting the lower spheres are simply passing through the process of education needful to awaken into active life and growth the dormant moral faculties, and terrible as are the evils and sufferings wrought in the process they are yet necessary and beneficent in their ultimate results." (FRANCHEZZO, "A Wanderer in the Spirit Lands")
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